The Church of the Evil Monkey

"And he pointed at Chirs Griffin and said yeay thee shall vacate your time slot on FOX, and pay retribution for you have forsaken him, and sullied his name. Redemption is your will, if you leave this sinful life of which you lead you will be rewarded."- The Evil Monkey

And so began the legacy of The Evil Monkey, he is the one, the primate in which you should follow your life by. Very few people know but in fact The Evil Monkey is actually God's seeing eye monkey. He has been since the beginning of time, and helps God see what is happening in this world. He saw Chris Griffin's corrupt heart and he took away Family Guy from the world because of this. Once Chris, cut back on the hookers, meth, alcohol, and cleansed his soul covered in soot, Family Guy was allowed to resume. The Evil Monkey is the eyes and voice of God, as can be seen in the popular television show he doesn't talk, but he seemed to always be pointing menacingly at Chris. As he explains in the Newest Testiment: This Time It's Personal he is angry but not because he seems to be confined to Chris's closet, its because of the depravation of goodwill and caring people in the world. He is angry because the Bible is now a novelty item which can be aquired at any cheap motel, next to the used condoms in the night stand. He keeps the word "Evil" in the title of his name to distract the faithless, and non believers. In fact it was the Evil Monkey flinging his Poo at Lucifer which drove him to Hell. He set the burning bush on fire, and in fact Moses tripped and dropped the 11th Commandment, which says Thy Monkey shall not be confined to circuses, wearing little hats and smoking cigars, or as slaves to the lazy.
Unlike some would believe, smoking Marijuana is a religious right and actually brings the spirit closer to God. As seen in the popular television series, it is God's will for us to listen to classic rock and roll up a joint. To begin this once in a lifetime religious experience, just open you're heart and mind to the primates which we see as lower than us. The primate is our partner in this quest which is life, and remember the Evil Monkey's sees all and says nothing, he points at the sinners and condemns their actions. If you kill a primate you will be eternally bound to Hell, unless the Evil Monkey forgives you, which is an arduous process in which a sinner shall be purified through a spiritual journey, which may end in the heathen's demise.

"You can fool all the people some of the time, you can fool some of the people all of the time, but you will never fool the Evil Monkey, and if you try feces will be slung into your mouth."