Dear Amazon.com Seller

I have an addiction, I purchase used DVDs off of amazon.com through third party sellers. The DVDs are mostly used...mostly, but are a lot cheaper than they would be brand new. But as with all things in life a new problem enters into the fray, does this idiot know how to use the postal system? I recently contacted a few sellers who I purchased items from on the fourth of July. That was 22 days ago, three weeks of waiting. Here is what I typed.

I am still awaiting the arrival of the movie "How High". It is currently outside of the expected time of arrival. If this order has been shipped, when was it shipped, if not please refund my purchase. Thank you.

Here is what I meant to type

You're a lame, worthless waste of space, who should go to Menards and buy the strongest piece of rope you can find and hang yourelf from an awning in patio furniture section. You are the reason we still need guns in this country, I only regret that one hasn't found your fricking head yet and splatter the worthless vile all over, for the rats and cochroaches to feed on. At least then you benefitted somebody.

Or it could be....

It's hard to believe they allow people on the internet who cheated to get their GED, way to exploit the system. Look at you now you sell used DVDs on amazon.com and wait in your car outside the local high school, to check out the high school girls. That's the greatest thing about high school girls you keep getting older and they stay the same age? Please pause the porno and get your lazy ass out of your chair, the closet thing you've had to human contact since you date raped a prostiute, and send me my movie.

Maybe....

Send me my DVD or else... or else what you say? Let's think about this. You are probably late 30s balding, overweight living in an room above two bowling alleys, your wife left you because you're a loser, you are paying child support for the three children you had with her and the four other illegitimate children you've gifted four different women, you probably stole the DVD you won't ship me, and I'd assume you are an alcoholic with a lengthy criminal record. You probably work at a 711 and are forced to call 17 year olds sir, and you spend most of the time sifting through the porno mags on the magazine rack. I assume your family chose your ex over you and no longer contacts you. Your best friend's brain is only partially function, and he's currently in a looney bin on account of his 8 attempted suicides. So or else.... dude just keep it, I pity you so much you can have my hard earned money, invest it in something...or drink it away. Either way you suck. Thanks.